Thursday, August 6, 2009

Rap Lies (Pt. 1): It ain't Trickin if you got it

I'm not going to lie, You can learn a lot from rap...

While some of the things to be learned from rap are good, others are undoubtedly bad and oftentimes set our race back a few hundred years (see the earlier"how to cook crack" Post). Despite this ugly caveat, no one can deny the social importance of America's new favorite music genre.

For example, during the early 1990's Noreagea (N.O.R.E) made it OK for us to ask girls for "head in the whip" as it was all the vogue . As recently as 2009, Jamie Foxx has made it permissible for grown ass men to take a "shot of the Nuvo", an extremely delicious but sparkly and pink, feminine looking liquor. Funny thing is, we don't even have to say no homo. LOL.

Other rapper inspired trends, however, make my skin burn like Detroit Red's relaxer before he stuck it in that toilet bowl (white people: watch Malcolm X and you will get the reference). Rather than use their power for good, may rappers are using the world as a stage and platform for perpetuating bold faced lies. Now...let me quickly explain the difference between a farce and a lie. Driving a leased Rolls Royce Phantom and sporting Cubic Zirconias in a giant chain are considered living behind a giant facade. Trying to act hard, claiming projects you've only visited and not revealing that you are from the suburbs also fall into this category.

Saying that you just signed a 5 million dollar contract when you did not, or claiming that you "don't love them hoes" when you are happily married are LIES. Even worse than this...these are RAP LIES! Lies which get regular rotation and airplay, thereby permeating malleable young brains to the point that they actually believe this nonsensical hogwash tomfoolery bamboozlement despite the ever present display of verifiable empirical evidence. Phew.

This brings me to Today's topic of discussion...the biggest Rap Lie ever told....

Rap Lies (Pt. 1): It ain't Trickin if you got it

Oh really? It isn't? What then, is the definition of trickin'? I always thought it was a display of masculine braggadocio in which a man flaunts and spends money on a female in an attempt to impress her and hopefully bump uglies with her at the end of the night. How this is affected by how much money one has, is something I have still not ascertained.

It aint trickin if you got it...hmmm...Is it not peeing the bed if you have a plethora of readily available clean sheets? Is it not getting an STD if you have stock loaded anti-viral medicines as a precautionary measure? Is it not prostitution if you pay for sex even though you can easily get it for free?

See, now I have you all thinking...Onto these dumb ass rappers.

If you still do not agree or see the premise of this logic, I urge you to go spend your hard earned check on some morally loose goldigger who will upgrade you as soon as the next dude in a leased Range Rover shows up to the club with a bigger 10 carat gold chain than yours. I say this not because I am a hater, or think that spending money is wrong, but rather because people get this whole 'trickin' thing confused. Tricking is spending money on a girl, not to elevate the bi*ch's feeling of self worth or show how much you care via material displays of affection, but rather as a means to show off and impress her. How people do not make the obvious assumption that the types of women impressed by material wealth are the same types who will become obsessed with it, is another thing which I can't understand.

I'm sure many of you are reading this saying, "if this is the case Rocka, then why do rappers so adamantly proclaim the "make it rain" mantra and contradictory "I don't love these hoes / It aint trickin if you got it"attitude. I've got two words for you homie...defense mechanisms. If rappers are always supposed to be hard (no homo) and mysogonisticly gangsta, they must claim that they have no respect, or loving feelings towards women all the while, somehow managing to engage in as much heterosexual coitus as possible.

How then, do you get a girl to let you "bang-bang-skeet" while telling her you don't respect or care about her? Hmmmm....LOL....there's no hmmm about it. We all know the answer. Money, money, money, money...Mo--neeeey (O.J.'s Voice.) Ahhhhh. Now you understand. There is still one small problem, other than shrinking bank accounts and the possibility of multiple STDS (or worse K.I.D.'s). If rappers don't care about chicks and only want to f**k them, how can they justify spending all this money on them? Worse still, how can they justify spending large amounts of cash for sex in a culture which idolizes pimps and looks as "Johns" (customers of prostitutes) as straight up sucker ass ni**as?

You rationalize that a.) you have money to blow and therefore b.) it's fine to blow it on material possessions (including women.) Problem solved; You get to display how much wealth you have (or are pretending to have), women are still viewed as possessions, AND you get to pay for sex without feeling like a John simply by saying "I'm just making it rain on these strippers" rather than "I'm paying this prostitute and engaging in chemical warfare by sticking my shlong in this literal peitry dish of Sexually transmitted diseases."

Rappers, quit lying to these young'ns because some of them may actually believe you! Look, you've got them spending their summer Job paychecks on pre-pubescent heifers, buying them Jordan's and sh*t! Tell them the truth!

If you really want sex with no commitment, buy rapper friendly liquor. Not only will it blind her with the allure of "things she has heard on the radio" and hence thinks are cool, but it will also lower her inhibitions. Best of all, she leaves empty handed (and preferably with a full mouth. LOL.) What? Did you think I was gonna say some sh*t like "spend money, but only on women you truly love?" F**k that. I'm Show f**king Rock and this is my new mantra...


Make sure she has a good time, but leaves with less than she came with. Sure you can buy a bottle and let her sip, but as soon as a smidgen of self-entitlement of bougioueness comes out of her mouth, kindly ask her fake Louis Vuitton bag carrying ass to exit the V.I.P. Section. Then tell her she's been Malcolm X'd. Hoodwinked, Bamboozled, Led astray...She didn't land on an unsuspecting group of sucker ass ni**as, but she did land herself a ride home in a cab. LOL.

Take your homo man-friend with you too. Silly rabbit mouthed, buck toothed skank... tricks are for kids, (tricking, on the other hand, is for dumb ass rappers. )

Live, Love, V.I.P

Show-ell Ortiz

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