Saturday, August 1, 2009

How close is too close?

Aight people, I was informed that yesterday's post was so recklessly wild and irresponsible that I am afforded the luxury of doing a lighthearted and comical post today. LOL. Whatever, you know I don't give a f**k (back to bleeping out curse words), but as many people tend to say f**k hanging at the computer all day, its Saturday, I don't want to drop a gem of knowledge and have it go unnoticed.

Nevertheless, I was thinking about a few things the other day. Codeine, titties and Louis Vuitton Belts. JK. While I was thinking about those things, my mind was also centered around more pertinent topics of discussion. For example, does anyone remember that song "Funk Dat" by Sadat? Come on!! The song where dude was like "Why is is, that every time I'm walking down the street...etc,etc." Well, for those of you who remember that song, (or the Vibe Magazine segment '20 Questions'" this post will be similar. The roots of this idea, ironically, came to me as I was taking a leak outside...yes, ni**a, a leak outside (I am extremely claustrophobic inside Port-o-Pottys.) While outside handling my biz, I began thinking..."why does it always burn?" KIDDING. I began thinking about the other muthafu**as out there peeing and whether or not they were closet fruit boys trying to sneak a peak at my junk. This brings me too my topic of discussion...How Close is too Close?

How Close is too Close (During a Myriad of Activities. LOL)

10. How Close is too close to the ass when performing Cunnilingus? LOL

Depends on how freaky you and your girl are. Don't let her get a finger near your booty though or you might be a gay.

9. How Close is too close to a fade when getting a taper?

Nothing worse than a fuc**ed up haircut, or a fade in 2009. Unless you live down south where niggas are stuck ten years behind and think that shit's "fresh."

8. How Close is too close to drunk while drinking?

.08 is the legal limit in CT and as I've had some fun with a Breathalyzer, I can tell you that you are drunk well before .08. While this level of "fadedness" is going to feel different for each person, think of it like this. Once you feel tipsy, you're probably at about a .04 so slow down. Also, mixing diet soda with alcohol will intensify the effects and your BAC (Blood Alcohol Content). So Let that be a lesson toy yo health conscious drunk hoes.

7. How Close is too close to cheating when trying not to?

Stay in the grey areas (see my relationship post from two days ago for a complete explanation) and you should be good to go. Never bring girls home, and never....eva, eva,eva,eva,eva...think that its OK to go into grey areas (i.e. things you think are OK but your girl does not) while with or around her friends.

6. How Close is too close to another man while peeing outside?

If you can expand your wingspan and touch him (no homo) you are too close. Also, don't make conversation or eye contact.

5. How Close is too close to a curb when parking with rims ?

You decide. If you bang em, and scratch your shits, however, you will look like a herb...a L7 Square.

4. How Close is too close to the hood when buying a house .

Selling price will increase exponentially as you get further from the hood. If you can visible see projects from your home, it's too close. If kids are out unattended in the street lights have been on for more than 15 minutes, you're too close. If you hear gunshots and fireworks on New Years Eve, too close.

3. How Close is too close to your girl while in the club ?

No wifin in the club, gimmie 20 dollars (Ron Browz Voice.) Sucker.

2. How Close is too close to your thighs when sagging jeans ?

NO SAGGING SKINNY JEANS. Also, your belt should not be cupping the underside of your booty, essentially acting like a "headband for ass". Belts should be no further than 2 inches from the top of your hip bone, thereby preventing the Duck Waddle Walk.

1. How Close is too close to d**k riding while offering compliments.

Don't stalkerishly sweat chicks or turn into male groupies, jocking other mens' swagger. Do, however, give credit where credit is due.

Live, Love, the Blogsphere


No comments: