Tuesday, August 4, 2009

6-Pack Progress Week 2: Back in the Gym

I just want to say that I'm proud of C4 (Pause) for getting in shape and It's almost a shame that I am going to have to watch him fail miserably. Sorry for the late post today, but hey....we do have REAL JOBS TOO!! Hopefully soon, someone will pay me to do this so I can really go hard (pause.) Anyways, I myself am almost thinking about getting a six pack just cause these nig**s keep talking about it. Oh ni**as would really hate me for that. Think I care di*k eaters? LOL.

Anywayz, I'm gonna hold down Twitter.com/NappyheadedBros today and let C4 tell you about his supposed progress...Sidenote: I have not even began thinking about this 1 day album I have to do to uphold my part of the bet. I apologize in advance for the extremely gay nature of showing you C4's stomach, but its for the sake of a nonsensical Frat-boy bet. You can't renege on a bet, and I for one, have always said that "I will never let me responsibilities as a man get in the way of my duties as a Frat Boy." I know, Poetic... Be sure to check tomorrows post for some hilarious shit..like really funny. Aiiight people, check the post from my boy Fatboy slim and catch me on Twitter. (Sidenote: to my other homie "fatboy slim", you better get your sixpack up too!!! Pause. Or the blog monster may just show you how to do this son!! no homo.)

C4's Six Pack Progress Pt. 2

Retuuuurn of the Mack! (there it is!) Remember that song? Yeah well anyway...

Two weeks in the books, 1/3 of the way down the road to the impending glory of six new abdominal friends who will assist me in laughing while Show gets his foot tat.

The initial fire and inspiration of week one led ya boy to one of his most hated activities: running outside. I don't even have my good running shoes in NYC, them joints are in my locker....in Boston. A n***a is gonna run outside in some SB Dunks only so many times.

Lucky for the Champ, I recently rejoined Bally Total Fitness, just in time to kick off week two. I picked up my new I.D. on Monday then went in to work out. And I came back every day except Sunday, like the Bros on this site, ya dig?! What came of this level of commitment in week 2? Let's peep the stats, shall we?

Days Used: 14
Days Left: 28
Workout Days: 11
Start Weight: 174.5lbs
Current Weight: 167.5lbs
Weight Lost: 7lbs

Gangsta. Every day had it's fair share of emotional swings, from being pumped and motivated to frustrated with my new dietary habits that neglect my true loves: carbs and fried foods. But then I'd hop back in the scale, peep the progress, and the cycle would repeat. The work and commitment required to pull this crap off also gets realer daily. Lucky for me I'm as stubborn as a KKK member in San Francisco.

So what did I learn in my first week back in the gym?

1. College gyms do not resemble real gyms

Hells nah they don't. While working out at Harvard or Penn gyms while still in school (oh, you mad my degrees are stylin on you?) I'd see the scholastic equivalent of the gym rat, the pre-spring-break crowd, the professors and fat kids trying to alter the courses of their bodily lives.

At real gyms, these stereotypes are blown way out of proportion, like the hood in real life compared to the hood portrayed in rap videos. The people in shape are REALLY in shape, like to the point that I sometimes stop and look at the dude with the Rocky Mountain upper body (pause) standing there doing wrist curls to work his already massive forearms, like his job is to give handjobs to horses (stop, eject). Are you getting veiny enough to inject steroids blindfolded? You're ridiculous.

2. Bad bitches are the redbull to the vodka of cardio machines

Nothing alters one's decision to have an easy cardio day like a leggy redbone with pouty lips on the adjacent elliptical machine, glistening like there should be Porno music playing in the background instead of Beyonce (who also inspires like the Holy Spirit). Even better if said redbone, chocolate thunder, skinny blonde or tattooed Asian is in front if you, (maybe the Asian should be at an angle, she has no ass) as if her booty is singing "We Shall Overcome" through the cheeks. God bless America.

3. Muscleheads got it all wrong

Like Popeye the Horse-jerker I described earlier, half these dudes can't fit normal shirts anymore. They look crowded like the subway at rush hour but only their anabolic traps and pecs are invading their personal space. Most women are afraid of that look, pal. They know it tends to accompany mood swings, domestic violence and shriveled genitalia. If a woman wanted that she'd date a butch chick. So put down the creatine, take something for the OCD and save what's left your sperm count buddy (pause).

4. Fat gym employees simply don't belong

What's wring with these people?it's like they're sitting in Roscoe's pining about some "oh if I could only have chicken AND waffles!" Does nothing motivate them? Don't they know they're bringing down company morale?I've seen some gym rats give them dirty looks. You know the gym lets them work out for free. It's not like there are no personal trainers around who can at least give advice. Not like they can't just watch and learn what to do and repeat. They're the illiterate n***as chillin at the library all day, LOOKING at books. Stupid.

Ah well. Gotta head back to thi magical place and start week 3. Til then....

Once More 2 Bally's Door,

1 comment:

Rock said...

LMAO at his "already massive forearms, like his job is to give handjobs to horses" . C4 you are a flickin fool.