Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Six Pack Progress...Yea Right!

Aiyo. Check yesterday's post if you didn't catch it because it is essentially the reason that I'm on "Blog Probation." Yep. Apparently my friends didn't appreciate the post, as people who weren't even involved were getting screamed on by their girlfriends. LOL. Needless to say, those ni**as mutinied and changed my password. C4 has it, but it is up to him when I can post until I'm off probation. Fu**kers! Anyways, I'll be ad-libbing this post as C4 does his best to convince himself he doesn't have the chubby little body of Joell Ortiz. (Pause. No Homo). LOL. Good luck Loser. Hope you've got some African Bootlegger, Open Toed Jay-Z sandals to show off your new tattoo.
In case you couldn't tell, I'll be the guy commenting in Azul...that's blue for you non-bilinguals.

Six Pack Progress Week 1

A lot of cats out there been gulping down Haterade like they sucked it out of Sheyla's nipples since I told the world that in six weeks I'd go from the sexy futhamucka with a little extra to love (pause) who you saw last week, to one with the even more unfair advantage of a toned six-pack.

"I've seen your gut, you're getting the tattoo," they said. Well they can all eat a dick up til they hiccup and hurl, because at the end of the first week I already dropped 2.5lbs, ya dig?!
The nappyheaded stud ran 5.6 miles, biked 5.7 and ellipticaled another 2.6 in the past week for 13.9 miles of total cardio in the five days I did it.Ninjas don't know man, C4 don't f*** around ya understand, especially right after you tell him he can't do something.

Hahaha. No Homo. You F**king Wish C4. No Way in Hell. See Below for Show's Opinion on C4's Progress.

I know Show is reading this, crying, running around the Internet trying to find harder beats, cuz of course he picked out some buuuuulls*** thinking this was gonna be a walk in the park, cuz C4 wasn't gonna go hard. But NAW! I got more fire in me than a racist cop with gonorrhea chasing down a successful Jewish black guy who just boned his wife, ya dig?! (In C4's defense I did pick some bullsh*t beats at first thinkin I could just breeze through, but on second thought, I'm reconsidering. Michael Jackson's Man in the Mirror and Liberian Girl have been scrapped along with a few Chris Brown Beats. LOL. )

First week wasn't easy, family. Just yesterday I was in a deli staring at a box of chocolate-filled cookies with my mouth open and a longing look in my eyes. It was like the first time Show saw a Puerto Rican woman. But I quickly snapped out of it and ordered a tuna melt with spinach on whole wheat. It was my only meal with bread for the day. Other than brief epileptic daydreams of sweets and fried foods, the biggest week one obstacle I faced was over the weekend, as I attended my family reunion, reuniting with the southern side of the family. The one that makes grits, loves swine, and never even heard the name Atkins before. Not going back for seconds (particularly becase they know me) is like samurai dishonor to my family. I'm driving up to Albany on Friday, stressed like a literate slave, thinking, "What is I gon' do?"

The ghost of Billy Blanks (oh he's not dead? They take Michael Jackson away but this n***a get to live?!) intervened on my behalf to provide the hotel where we stayed with a tiny gym, and to make sure that there were no hot dogs or hamburgers left at the cookout when I got to the front of the line. Whew! Close one.So the kid is grindin' like a Jamaican stripper on Labor Day (no homo), staying in it to win it baby. The first week is officially over and I still think I can pull it off like hooker panties. And y'all out there in InternetLand are keeping me honest.
Keep hating too. I luuuuv dat, biiiiitch!

Once More 2 Ya Door, trying to f*** around and get a hard core,C4

P.S. I am C4 and I haven't included any progress pics because I am full of sh*t and haven't run no damn 10 miles. The nearest McDonald's is only .25 miles, and I take the bus! Hahaha. I like encouraging people to be healthy, but I'm starting to think I should've just bet C4 that I could outdo his exercise regimen while drinking no other fluid (no homo) than Guinness! Oh well, I've got a 1 day album to mentally prepare for. Paz.

Live, Love, Laughing at C4

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