Thursday, July 30, 2009

I love you But I Wish I Could Quit You (Pt. 1): BBW Skin Flicks

Have you ever had a guilty pleasure that you just couldn't give up no matter how hard you tried? Chocolate? Weed? White Women? Or all the above...LOL.

If you answered no to this question, you are undoubtedly a boldfaced liar and most likely also a Jay-Z lipped, Craig-Mack Faced hater. Keep it 100. Everyone has a vice. C4 likes "acting", and had it not been for the fact that he's my right hand man (no homo), I'd have called him straight up gay for that. Nevertheless, I am being very candid today in sharing one of my own vices with the general blogsphere. Viewership has not been at its highest lately and in thinking of how Mr. Keep it 100 could ensure that he was giving his fans exactly what they wanted, I came to the only logical conclusion...keep it more one hundred-er {sic}.


Yes, I admit that I've fought this urge for many years, denying the countless claims of my friends that "Showrock likes fat hoes." While I admit that in the beginning I did have a penchant for huge tits and curvaceous culos, I could safely say that my tastes were centered in the realm of girls as thick as a bowl of Quaker oatmeal...key word...'Thick'.

As the years passed I started liking even bigger bottoms and more humongous Tetas, to the point where yes, I watched a few BBW (Big Beautiful Women) films. Pretty soon my morning ritual of watching Onionbooty and Assparade clips turned into a secret craving for ChubbyLovin (shout outs to Jimmy Diamond)Fatcinema and BBWBomb.com. Yes, I was officially watching big girl porn, and liking it. As you can see, I am in desperate need of a C4 intervention as the potential for disaster is eminent and I have finally decided to man up and face my demons...

I love you But I Wish I Could Quit You (Pt. 1): BBW Skin Flicks

C4: I really wanna intervene kid, but I feel like I'd be doing a disservice to fat women all across America. If you like big, beautiful women than just embrace it my dude.


Show: You see, the problem is that I don't think I do. It's almost as if I like the attributes of Ass & Titties so much that I am almost willing to put up with flabby thighs, big stomachs and double chins. Stretchmarks and cellulite don't really bother me, but I'd much rather have over sized knockers on a smaller door frame, if you know what I'm saying...

C4: Ewwww. Ok, I see your point. Knowing you, you probably have a solution already mapped out in your head. Let's hear it...Sigh...


It's funny you should mention that you six-packless hater. LOL.

Check it out. Like everything in this world, watching BBW porn has its O.J. simpsons (get it? Pro's and Cons...Lol). This being said, how then, does one decide whether popping off knuckle children to scale breaking beauties is a detriment or aid to ones physical and mental well being. At first glace this seems like an easy question to answer...

Secretly skeeting away your carnal desires for fat women is extremely healthy. Not only will you build up stamina and last longer in bed, you will also be much more relaxed and therefore apt to deal with your hot (non-fat, but extremely annoying) dime piece girlfriends. Yea right...If only it were that simple.


In actuality, using lewd images of fat women as masturbatory aids will only lead to you subconsciously developing the notion that fat women = hot, curvaceous sluts. This, my friends, is extremely unhealthy! Newsflash, there are fat women who are ugly (see Mo'Nique. No I'm not hating...her swagger is at 110, but even if she weighed 110 lbs, she'd still be ugly.) Even worse than this, there are also fat women with no boobs or assess. (Someone must've pissed off God.) Insert obligatory humanitarian comment: Large women should be treated like PEOPLE (or walking ATM's) and not merely cushiony bubble wrap for protecting ass and titties. LOL.

Letting your subconscious make this association will not only cause you to unfairly pre-judge a large (no pun intended) segment of society, but also cause your drunken brain (primed to go after easy targets aka sluts) to miss out on all of the skinny and physically fit whore-bags out there. Yes, that's right...while you're out there popping skeet pellets and bukake balls into your little hungry hungry Hippo's mouth, someone is off poking more skinny hoes than a heroin syringe. True story...I mean, real talk. LOL.

In the end I guess this means that BBW porn will have to go the way of pregnant woman and Midget porn and slowly diddy bop its way off my harddrive. I've thought abut this long and hard, and while it's never easy saying goodbye, I must at least make a valiant effort.


Goodbye Syrianna and the Backside Babes, Goodbye Scarlett...




Goodbye Samantha 38G...

Goodbye Monica Erotica... Goodbye Elizabeth Rollins...& Goodbye Maria Moore...

Pinky, Sarah Jay, Olivia O'Lovely, Cherokee, Gianna and Maritza you gals can stay...but lay off the french fries and chicken nuggets.


Live, Love, Keeping it 100


Show

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Margarita4: funniest shit i've read today: reference to a big girl as a "hungry hungry hippo". come on, you know it's funny. messed up, but funny.

mskanyon said...

maybe you should define the most tossed around word ever in describing a woman's body...'thick'. I'd like to read what you have to say about that...

MyLifesAFlic said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA

pause for breath

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHA

I'm laughin at the truth in it, not just the concept.

freddie said...

i want to fuck you all