Monday, July 13, 2009

Drugs are the new sexual intimacy

First off, I want to apologize for not blogging on Sunday, but Jesus asked me not to, due to it being the Sabbath. LOL. No, really, my Internet was down and I was too hungover to fix it. Anyways...On with another monotonous Monday and a blog to make 15 minutes of your work-life entertaining. Thank me later...with bl*wjobs.


On to the Blog!!!!

Remember back in the days when BET, and MTV used to show those corny commercials where the guy would try to pressure the girl into having sex by saying "if you love me, you'll do it?" Well...umm...yeah, those days are long gone as sex and love have become so disassociated that that line would NEVER F*CKING WORK this day and age.





You'd have a better chance saying "If you love me, you won't file for child support," or "If you do it, i'll pay for gas." LMAO. You know it's the truth...when has Mr. Keep It 100 ever steered you wrong? Exactly. Never...eva-eva-eva-eva-eva (smokey voice.)



All these things being said, I find it hard to believe that most sane males would think twice about picking up a sexually attractive stranger from the bar and returning with her to her lair for copulatory practices. Would you kiss her? Undoubtedly. Would you put your tongue in other places it probably has no business being? Maybe. Would you put your lips on the same joint as her outside of the club? Hell nahhh. Why, might you ask? Because that's just plain nasty.



If there's one thing that I learned as a child from my mother's warnings, it was do not drink after anyone and don't share hats because you'll get lice. Thanks mom. I'm sure had she known I'd be off fornicating with scallywags and lighting that good-good she would've also said, don't kiss them if their mouths have scabs, and never....eva eva eva eva eva...share a blunt with them.


Even once past the general grossness of swapping slob with a stranger, doing drugs with someone (or so I have heard) requires a certain comfort level that should also, but no longer exists in sexual encounters. For those of you still doubting the overall validity of this claim, look at websites like e-harmony, Match.com and Myspace. People are hooking up, banging out and even getting married based on Internet encounters. I've never heard of anyone sending a friend request to a random individual saying "so...wanna do a line with me?" Im just saying...



Whereas sex used to represent an intimate and sacred bond between two caring individuals, it now represents a form of extracurricular activity and physical exercise. The selectivity and cautiousness once associated with sex has all but been defenestrated (aka Ron Browz'd) as we individuals have learned that Condoms, when used properly, are as effective as superman's cape. Sure there are various forms of Kryptonite out there, and a condom will not help you fly, but these are minor details.


Drugs, on the other hand, can make you fly. Just kidding...kinda. What drugs represent is an individual putting his or her self in the most compromising of compromising situations. Hopefully that didn't go over your head. What I mean to say is, drugs alter your physical and mental state of mind, oftentimes leaving your perception and reflexes a bit slow, and in extreme cases, leaving you virtually defenseless. Putting yourself in this type of situation with someone you do not love or trust would make you, well...a crackhead. So... in less of course you are doing crack, in which case nothing applies to you f**kin crack head, consider this analogy the next time you light a spliff or whip out the magic stick for that special (or not so special) female. No homo. Ladies, stop calling up the TV show Cheaters and or soliciting Maury Povich to find out if your man loves you. Keep it 100 with him and say, "baby, lets sniff some lines." (Sidenote: I did not say let's smoke a joint because as people no longer consider weed a drug, despite the fact that it is, it would skew the results of this test. )



If he says yes, you have just committed to doing your first hard drug (you can't back out), but take solace in the fact that you are doing it with someone who truly loves and trusts you. Sidenote: You are also both degenerate druggies.


Try the same thing with a guy or girl from the club and you are liable to end up robbed, raped, or woken up in a drunken stupor to the sound of a train being ran on none other than YOURSELF. Sorry to be so blunt and offensive, but I'm into this whole no qualms, keeping it 100 thing. Actually, I take back that apology and am going to throw in some unnecessary curse words and misogynistic rants (aka Showorock-isms) just for good measure. Douche Bag, Douche Bag Bite your mamma's tit. Sh*t, Sh*t, Sh*t. F**k, F**k, F**k. Titt*es. Bet ya didn't see that one coming, suckas...


Love ya Shelyla H. And to all the people who think I only use this blog to talk about sex...Ha. I've proven you all wrong. Now I'm talking about drugs as well.



Live, Love, Blurring (white) Lines

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