Saturday, July 18, 2009

D.O.S: Death of the Six-Pack (No Homo).

I probably shouldn't even write this post because ni**as are gonna say it's gay. Actually, when have I been one to give a flying trapeze f**k about what other muthafu**as have to say. I'm a very blunt, in your face type of individual and people are going to love me, hate me, or call me a fag anyway, hence why try to self censor myself. Why, Why....(Michael Jackson Voice.)

Now that I've essentially copped an instant plea (only to be reinforced by perpetual no homo usage) I can feel comfortable in saying Joe buddens has a bird chest. Just like Yung Berg. LOL.

Yes I was at the Slaughterhouse concert last night and those ni**as ripped that sh*t down!!!! No I did not appreciate Joe buddens and Royce the 5' 9" running around shirtless half the night. Did I really care (as a man who is shirtless 65% of the time) ? No. Nevertheless, this makes for interesting blogging. Why, might you ask? Because, (and I know it's not grammatically correct to start a sentence like this), each year as I get older and fatter I think of new ways to justify the fact that I will not look like the athletically cut 18 year old (nor f**k like him, for that matter.) This being said, I find it appropriate to say that bird chests have always sucked (sorry DEZO and Joe buddens) but Six packs are becoming obsolete. Don't get excited fat ni**as with man boobs...I'm not saying fat is in, I'm just saying that the six pack ideal is going out the window with Ron Browz, the standard size 2 and B-cups.

Showrocka & C4 Present D.O.S.: Death of the Six Pack

I hate Hov, but I need to channel his inner spirit on this one...Ahem...insert horns.

(In Jay Z Voice)

This is anti-Sit Ups/

Death of the Six-Pack/

We'd rather Bench Press....We'd rather Sip Yak/

Rather be home, sippin Patron than tryin to chit chat/

with another ni**a in the gym, because that's just whack/

I'm sure some of you have seen the new DJ Webstar (Corny) 'Dancin on Me' video. In it, Jim Jones (America's favorite goon...sorry Plies) is running around shirtless (no homo) and looking surprisingly kinda husky (no homo-er) and real jailhouse brolic (no homo-est.) Funny thing is, he has no six-pack. Nowadays, having the hybrid muscular potbelly (solid, not sticking out and devoid of definition) is all the rage. Finally, a trend I can hop on (no homo). No this isn't my defense mechanisms kicking in or anything as I can say that a one time I did have a six pack (sorry fat ni**as) but that now I drink waaaaaaaay too much for that sh*t.
I go to the gym everyday but now, rather than waste my time trying to look like Reggie Bush (no homo) or Tyrese (no homo), I'm tring to look like Birdman...yes ni**a, Bryan "Baby" Williams, the # 1 Stunna. He made it acceptable and cool to have that jailhouse physique (no homo)...Big up top (like Dolly Parton), no man boobs, and no six packs. I believe this look not only satisfies women who really want a thug instead of a pretty boy but whom do not want to visit you in jail, as well as those women looking for something more 'mature.' Let's be honest, Peyton Manning (quarterback of the Colts) said it best...If you're over 25, are not a professional athlete and don't have a six pack ain't getting one. True story. Focus on the bench press, incline and bicep curls. No homo.

Sure LL Cool J has a six pack...f**k him.

This man makes his living trying to be "sexy", but will feel like an assclown when that trend dies like the whole Jeans and blazers, metrosexual thing. Don't front like you dont remember it.

it is now 2009 and we are moving past these westernized ideals and bullsh*t fairytale aspirations. We don't expect unreasonable things from women (like huge, non-silicone ti**ies without stretch marks or a portly belly to match) so why should they demand such from us? as long as you are solid (key word) and not fat, you should not only be able to get pu**y, but also have a pass to walk around shirtless. Lets start laughing at ni**as with six packs. Ha Ha, you have abdominal definition!! You're in the gym all day and therefore must not get any bit**es!! Ha Ha. You have to eat salads while we pour that Patron. Homo.

I'm not hating, I'm just saying. It's time for a paradigm shift. Think Different.

No Homo (squared.)

Live, Love, Setting records for no homo usage in a single post


1 comment:

MEEMZ said...

Some might think the record setting number of pictures you posted of yourself is quite homo and full of yourself lovin. However, it is evident by the ridiculousness of most of them that you are, in fact, simply using them to make a point. Besides, how long can you spend googling images of men's six packs before you're saying no homo to an empty room and running to the shower to wash that icky feeling away.