Friday, July 31, 2009

Don't knock it till you try it (Pt. 1): Tasting Skeet.

When I first came up with the idea for this series of posts, I wanted to make sure I didn't talk about things which were so esoteric that only a certain small segment of people would understand, like "Don't knock it till you tried it: Putting Icy Hot on your balls, eating ass or frying bologna." What I wanted to do was present something that all people, white and black, male and female, could relate to. I wanted to post about that shit that would make 50% of yall say "WTF! this dude is wild" and the other 50% say "Damn ni**a, I thought I was the only one that did that!!!" In trying to find that perfect but not yet universally acceptable act I decided upon the following...don't front like you never thought about it (or did it . LOL)

Don't Knock it till you tried it (Pt. 1): Tasting your own Skeet!

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat! I mean, What the Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!

I know those were the first words that come to mind, but hold on and let me explain...

PAUSE. NO HOMO INFINITY. (For the duration of the post.)

Love it or hate it, every man has been snowballed (aka kissed after skeeting in a girls mouth) at some point in his life. (sidenote: If you loved it, you may actually be a homosexual.) This being said, at least 50% of straight men have tasted their own white hot man chowder, be it diluted with hooker spit, girlfriend slob or a condomy latex mixture (ewww.)

This, contrary to popular belief is not gay. (Notice I did not say "it's not gay because", as that would imply that it is gay. ) The reason I can feel comfortable saying this is that anyone who was snowballed has just finished skeeting in a girls mouth, and undoubtedly liked it. If, however, you have tasted your own skeet out of condom or by licking your hand, you are a sick, sick individual and need help. You may also need a boyfriend you closet homosexual.

For those of you still following this logic (i.e. those who haven't already pegged me as gay), I know you may be curious as to how getting snowballed can be a good thing. Well, other than in cases where you get snowballed in a gangbang (which is Gay, Gay, Gay), stomaching (no homo) a few seconds of diluted skeet in exchange for a lifetime pass for free heady murphy doesn't seem like a bad deal. In the same way that chicks feel that a man wearing pink (not that Kanye shit, but a salmon oxford or something) is secure in his masculinity, they will feel that a man who will kiss them she sucked d**k, is secure in his own cleanliness. Also, the fact that you will kiss her afterwards makes the act seem less gross and therefore makes her more liable to do it. Church.

Now...Here comes the part where the Showrock Show puts you onto some game. Giving your girl a skeety little peck kiss will turn her on in the same way you get turned on by making her face look like spider man sprayed her.

Yep. Chicks like hot, sweaty, messy sex, and since they can't selective aim skeet at their body part of choice (unless she's a squirter), this is their version of skeeting all over you...just think of it the same way you think of kissing a chick with sticky lipgloss. It kinda sucks but you know you'll be glad you did it, as there is no (unpaid) sex without
kissing (unless, of course you have an official slutbag jumpoff.)

This being said, let me reiterate, giving your girl the marshmallow kiss is like hitting a lever that says "he put himself in a compromising situation, so now I'll do the same..." Out comes the freak in the sheets as the lady in the streets quickly disappears. Next thing you know she'll be dipping her hand in her pu**y like tostidos salsa, and licking the savory juices off like a 50 cent icee from Papi at the corner store. Don't believe me? try it.

I once even had a girl as bold as to ask me to bust on her chest and lick it off. That.....well, that I had to decline. Not because she wasn't fine, but more so on principal. We all know that when not mixed saliva skeet kinda looks like Elmers glue (or Elmer's Wood Glue if you have an STD. LOL) and that nobody...I mean Nobody, except retards, eat glue. LOL.

Live, Love, Posting things my friends say not to post



Anonymous said...

I'm too hungover to comment but Shanga Boy Tell em' has read this post.

Nick said...

i don't even know what to say about this article other than i think my brain just feel out of my head

Anonymous said...

wait, eating ass isnt normal? Even through celophane?