Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Battle of the Bros 2009: Show vs. C4

All the hottest conglomerates eventually fall apart. The Roc, Ruff Ryders, Cash Money, Terror Squad, Jon and Kate (just kidding)...Moral of the story is, all these groups have suffered from strife and in-fighting. I guess it was only a matter of time before even the Nappy Headed Bros started having in-house beef. Well, Actually, not yet...Nevertheless we are going against each other, head to head, for all the public to see, laugh at and enjoy.

For you see, over the weekend kids, Show Rocka The Blog Monster said some $hit that struck a chord with me while in the midst of breaking his own personal record for most uses of "no homo" in a single blog post. During Saturday's "Death of the Six-Pack" post [keep going down (no homo) to read] Show agreed with Peyton Manning, saying that if you're over 25 and you don't have a six-pack now you'll never have one.

I'm reading this like "damn!! I'm 26, rocking the keg and I can't do that much longer. I'm trying to be on film, where the camera really does add ten pounds. I can't be adding ten more just off GP! This has got to stop." I will have a six-pack, and prove wrong both Show and Peyton Manning (I never liked him anyway. He always struck me as a whiny b**** who could never admit when he's wrong. I won't go as far to call him racist like The Poet G {whose blog you NEED to peep [WEPA!]} but I just don't like him at all. Sorry Senti. But I digress.) . In the end, my mind was made up so I hollered at Show, and let him know the deal. This is serious son.

And now I present to you...

C4's Six-Week Six-Pack Challenge!!!


Of course as soon as I text this to Show he replies, "you're gonna lose." And what reason does he have to think he's wrong? I mean c'mon. I've been failing at this challenge since 1997, the year I was in shape (yes, the one and only such year). I failed at this task so recently as earlier this year, when I knew from 12/18/08 that by 5/9/09 I'd be on stage in front of hundreds of people a night in nothing but a g-string. I fought valiantly, but there was no six-pack on opening night. Quite frankly, to keep it 100, I got a little pudgier by the last week when I stopped giving a f*** about the nudity.

Me being the man that I am, I refuse to let this be a deterrent and have suggested that Show put his money where his mouth is (PAUSE!) I say, "Come on Show... put something on it. A challenge of your own." After much debate, suggestion and argument, we decided that Show Rocka is going to write and record a Good 15-track album in one day. For the purposes of time and money we will allow him to use other peoples beats in typical mixtape fashion. Eat that, Weezy! "Young Mulah, Bay-*cough cough gag cough*" (the drugs are killing him)

So I'ma let my dude actually play the part of 2Pac for a day since he's been trying be the n***a for like 15 years now, going as far as calling himself A-Pac at one time. But when I'm chillin with my washboard abs, sipping a Guinness and listening to the 9 tracks he managed to squeeze out, I will have officially 50-Cented Young Ja Rule over here. Fuck it, record the 15. By the 12 song son will be so delirious he won't even know what he's saying anymore, gonna sound like every song was featuring the "new" Foxy Brown. "Where my lil brother at?" LOL! Then you gotta factor in the haters who are gonna say the s*** was wack regardless, which is where Show Pebble f****d up. His challenge is subjective. All I gotta do is work out consistently and not eat too much. Which is soooooo easy right now cuz I'm broke as f***, LOL. See you at the tattoo shop sucka!

Show Rocka's One-Day Wonder Mixtape

Yea, Yea, Yea. Do you know how many times I've heard a ni**a say that he can get a six pack? The problem is that this sh*t never works. Especially for you C4, you pudgy bastard! LOL. You've got a better chance of growing wings and hopefully one day being as fly as me. Now, I am not saying that you should not work out and get in shape like your boy...but you should at least be realistic. Actually, f**k that, let ME BE REALISTIC. The only shape you will be getting is a shape-up kid. You might as well resign yourself to a lifetime of looking like Homer Simpson or Peter from Family Guy. Matter of Fact, start rapping...all the good rappers are Fat...Biggie, Pun, Joell Ortiz, Chub Rock (lol.) Oh sh*t I'm digressing (is that a word), I'm supposed to be talking about my mixtape not Fatboy slim over here. BTW, Mr. Granite you are next to take the challenge after all that 'copious' sh*t talking this weekend...and when you lose, you and C4 can start a flabby tag team wrestling duo called "gross". LMAO. Ok, back to the Mixtape thing.

Although I like to believe that with the power of Jesus, Codeine and Jager I can do anything I set my mind to, I sometimes bite off more than I can chew (NO HOMO.) This challenge just might fit into that category, not because I cant write quality sh*t in one day, but because I can't buckle down and make myself record...especially not 15 songs in a day. Even giving myself 1 hour to write and record each quality song, it will take me 15 hours!!!! You cannot sip lean and stay awake for 15 hours!!! I'm in trouble. Funny thing is, this will still be a lot easier than C4 getting a six pack. He shoul'dve backed outa this deal. I guess we can both take solace in the fact that we negated the ideas of the losers having to a.) Drink their own piss, b.) eat their own semen c.) watch an entire gay porno or d.) swallow a live roach. I had no problem with some of these suggestions as I know I'm going to win. Sorry Richard Simmons...ahem...I mean C4.

The Skinny:

C-4 has from 7/21/09 until 9/1/09 to create a six-pack of abs, defined as six individually identifiable abdominal striations. Show Rocka has one 24-hour period during the last week of August to write and record 15 tracks of a DECENT mixtape. Y'all decide what "decent" is when you hear it.

The Prize:

If we both achieve our goals, we take a Nappy-Headed field trip to the titty bar and make it rain like we live in Seattle.

The Punishment:

Whoever loses has to get the NappyHeadedBros logo tattooed on his foot. It's permanent, it's gonna hurt like hell, but it's also easily covered.

Below is the Gmail chat in which we decided how to determine the winnings and losings. Sidenote: The reason this shit is funny to you is that its also funny to us. We live ridiculous lives, have ridiculous convos, and in all honesty...you can't make this shit up son!

The Discussion:

C4: my homegirl thinks the winner should get $200 in ones to make it rain, courtesy of the loser

Show: lol. hmmmm....thats enticing. We need a funny or disgusting punishment. like eating bugs. Or like If I win, you have to do a strip show for all my female friends..LMAO

C4: drinking a bottle of frank's red hot

Show: That wouldn't do anything but give me the gout.

C4: dre said the loser has to make it rain at a gay strip club, to which i responded:

no one benefits from their boy making it rain at a gay strip club, next thing u know The Game is shaking his ass in front of u while one of his terrible songs is playing without 50's part to make it better. And we also agreed that it shouldn't be something gay

Show: hahahahaha. I had originally thought of that too! How about loser has to go down on a lady of the night. LOL. Nothing funny about la SIDA

C4: nope!

Show: hmmmm. the first idea was best, cutting dreads, but no way thats happening..or the tattoos

C4: ok, so let's say u just cut a couple inches off the dreads

Show: nope. you said nothing gay. LOL

C4: LOL. pause. u got me.

Show: how about loser has to fight a UFC dude? Do we know any?

C4: hell no, my face is part of my job

Show: Actually, I know this guy ray ray who ultimate fights...LOL


Show: this convo is gonna be part of the blog btw...hahaha

C4: hahahaha, yes it is. picture me training for six weeks, falling just short, and getting beat the fuck up for it

Show: how about we use the 200 ones to do a social experiment. We make it rain on a random woman in the street and videotape it while holding a boombox at a club let out.

C4: that might result in an ass-whoopin. or worse, a face-scratching. but it also could be AWESOME

loser gets a tattoo of the logo how about that

and winner gets to make it rain

it's basically like a $500 bet

Show: Aight, I can do that easily. damn, thats a lot goin on son...LOL. lets stick with the make it rain money. hmmmm. nah, i want something funnier

Show: Nappy tattoo on foot. Easily coverable and will hurt like hell. a little gay tho

C4: LMAO! that's not a bad idea. it'll be relatively small so not that expensive

Show: aight...agreed. you knw id have to get it big too, just to make it look gangsta

C4: yeah

Show: and hurt more...LOL

Once More 2 Ya Door More Determined Than Before,


Live, Love, Living in the Lab,


1 comment:

Sho-toMayor Rocka said...

Aiyo C4, There is something subjective about making a good album. There is not, however, anythng subjective about making a Great one.