Friday, June 5, 2009

Welcome to the Barbershop: New Haven. Pt 1

What's up peoples [sic]? I know I said I'd get you a Blog before Happy hour and dammit, It's only five o' chill out. Those of you who know me can vouch for the fact that I have been sequestered in the wilderness at the Uconn Storrs campus, attending school (for work) all week. This being said, I was definitely glad to take my test, get the f**k outa dodge and triumphantly return to the hood where I belong. Lol. First stop...the Barbershop.

Anyone who has ever been in a black barbershop, watched the movie barbershop or even heard a black person talk about a black barbershop knows that they are breeding grounds for hilarity. While I usually blog about the sociopolitical effects of sleeping with overweight celebrities or try to bridge the gap of racial equality via cross cultural teaching, today I'm going to be lazy. I've been studying all week and my brain is fried...Plus, I just got a fresh cut and heard some crazy funny sh*t go down.

Using this as a starting point, I am beginning another multi part blogging experience entitled "Welcome to the Barbershop." If any of you (black people, or white people who go to black barbershops) have a similar story from a different story, leave a comment or let me know about it. No I am not trying to get you to write my blog for me....(I don't know yall ni**as like that, sheeeeit you could be at like a 4th grade reading and writing level...), I just like to hear funny stories. Also, Sami ( ...update your fu**in Blog! I get tired of reading my own sh*t. I swear I need to have him writing for me instead...nevertheless, I digress. Please enjoy the literary refreshment provided on behalf of the barbershop and its patrons...names and identities have been disguised to protect the innocent.

Welcome to the Barbershop: New Haven. Part 1.

Enter stage right. As I look around the barbershop I see a myriad of familiar faces, yet it isn't too crowded as a result of the rain. Cool. I say "what's up" to my barber and give dap (handshake, pound, etc.) to my barber and a few other twenty somethings I know from around the way. Iphone in hand (yea, I got an iphone ni**a!), I glace at the wall and try to take a picture of this ridiculous flier that has been on the bulletin board for months. The flyer reads: "The See my Boo ride: room for up to 12 from New Haven, CT to Cheshire Correctional Facility. Come see your boo, baby's father or fiance. Please call so and so at 203-xxx-xxxx." I'm pretty pissed that the pic didn't come out...guess I should've bought a Blackberry Storm. Shit.

Fifteen minutes passes and I find myself in the barber's chair. Funny thing is, I wasn't even close to getting my hair cut because my barber was telling a story...and this ni**a cannot tell a story sitting down! the story starts like this: "Aiyo, I just got a gym membership...Its so many b***hes at the gym." Next thing you know, the aforementioned, ridiculously hyped up individual is laying on the floor simulating each exercise that each girl was doing, and what exercise he had to pretend to do in order to perfectly position himself in labia viewing position. LOL. An example: Doing assisted chin-ups to get a bird's eye view of a woman doing cable crossovers. Ti**ies everywhere! Or even better yet, pretending to do bench exercises in front of a woman doing spreadeagled thigh exercises...hello upside down pu**y. LOL.

As if this crazy display was not enough, another individual begins to talk about how he hates pretty women coming to the gym, because their mere presence encourages individuals to lift heavier weights and do more reps. In his own words, "that sh*t is tiring son."

Barber: Aiyo, I hate when Ni**as wanna be right next to you waiting to use the machine or the dumbbells.

Show: Ni**a, is it your personal gym? You the only one who needs to lift? From the sound of it, he was probably waitin for you to get the f**k out the way and stop starin at Pu**y so he could get his "swole on". No homo. Lol.

Other Patron (from earlier) : Yea son, these bi**hes be sexy in the gym. There's this one island girl with a fatty, and another white girl with a donkey (huge ass.) I've have to leave mad times and go beat off in the bathroom. I get back and be mad tired like, yea man, I don't even wanna lift no more. True story. I was in jail a minute, all that sh*t aint out my system.

LMAO. How the fu*k do you respond to that? I had no idea what to say, and neither did anyone else. The room filled with laughter, as the COMPLETELY 100% SERIOUS patron realized that there was at least some comedic merit to what he had said. Luckily for anyone with a conscience, morals or common decency, there were no kids around.

Just another day at the Barbershop.

Live, Love Dreds (no homo) & Edge-ups,


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