Friday, June 26, 2009

Breasts: An In depth study: Pt. 4 Throw Some D's on it

While C cups can be described as nothing short of perfect, the absurdity and shock value of a nice set of D cups will quickly remind you that there's a reason teachers and professors alike define a "C" as average. This being said, I know a lot of you may not be in agreement with the fact that bigger is always better. You are wrong. Bigger is always better, and if you require substantive proof, ask a woman...just not yours. She may want to spare your feelings.

While occasionally D cups become so monstrously large and veiny that they achieve novelty or freak-show value, they are still worth their weight in gold...liquid, hot white gold. LOL. Maybe it's our own penchant for strippers and girls who are as thick as adidas laces, which draws us to these buxom beauties, or maybe it is simply human nature.

We would all prefer a gallon of milk to a half gallon provided we weren't the one carrying the jug home. Tis the same with those heavy hangers that cause so many a female back problem. D-Cups, in this respect, are like babies...Sure it sucks for you to carry them around, but we have fun playing with them :)

Ok. Enough of this watered down version of the Showrock show...Let's be honest...I love ti**es, ass and all things related. I could give a f**k if you have to custom order your bras, or can only wear apple bottom jeans because your ass is too looks awesome! Ill let you deal with the f**king logistics. But what about women who want to be viewed as more than talking sperm receptacles and temperature controlled love dolls? Insert C4 catch phrase: It's funny you should say that, hater.

Girls who don't want to be viewed as sex objects are sacrilegious atheists! Yea I said it. While it is entirely permissible for a girl to want to be viewed as MORE than just a sex object, asking men not to notice this milk squirting God given difference between sexes is like asking us to foresake our Lord...our Man-Lord who obviously rewarded the progeny of his faithfullest of followers with D-Cups. In the words of one of those Sesame Street ni**as, D is for Divine.
Before letting America and its 'model thin standard of beauty undo all of our brainwashing in favor of D-cups let us leave you with one final thought. Their is no coincidence that coffee companies and Bra manufacturers both work with cups as their standard unit of measurement. In the same way that phallic symbols can often subconsciously lead to sexual arousal, coffee companies have learned that associating their products with oversized breasts is as effective an eye opener as caffeine. A few examples...

1. Starbucks.

Their logo is a sensuous mermaid with her ti**ies out. They are covered, but if exposed they look to be around the D-cup range.

2. Dunkin Donuts.

It is pretty obvious why the logo adorning the cups of America's favorite coffee is the all important DD (Double D.)

3. Cafe Bustello Coffee.

Aside from having a gorgeous woman on the can, it f**king has the word 'Bust' right in the name!!

4. Folgers
With a logo like "Mountain Grown" and two perky peaks in the background, this one is obvious as well.

5. Green Mountain Coffee

This offers more substantive proof of the mountains = breasts theory.

6. Eight O' Clock CoffeeHuh? I know a lot of you did not initially pick up on this one, but after a brief explanation it will be as clear as a teenage face after Pro-Activ. When the hands of a clock form 8'0 clock, a 240 degree angle is made from the bottom of the breast to the cleavage line. Only breasts in the D and DD range are capable of making this angle. Don't believe me? See my research below.

We should get paid for figuring this stuff out.

Well ladies, there you have it. Now you know what we're thinking as we ogle you in the coffe shop, and why so-called tough guys have no problem ordering talls, grandes and veintis. One thing, however, is for certain...if you see us in a Starbucks, the Barrista knows what we're getting... "D"-calf.

Live, Love, Deliciously Delectable Double-D Darlings


Once More, To ya door, Knocker's Hangin to the floor

C-Fo' (4)

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