Saturday, June 20, 2009

This is not OK (Part 4): a List

While I know I am a self centered bastard and hypocritical son of a bi*ch, I swear I try my hardest not to turn this blog into a self righteous rant on all the things 'other people' are doing wrong. I am sure that in doing so, I am able to keep you moderately entertained, and more importantly, keep you from shutting off your computers in utter disgust. Sure I often give undue praise to my slightly above average writing skills and comedic wit, but in the end, I am fully aware that people like me not because I am the next Richard Pryor or Walt Whitman, but rather because I serve as a loudmouth orator for your subconscious thoughts of all things ridiculous. What this means, in essence, is that I got you to give a f**k (about me and my blog) by not giving a f**k. Now that's deep. No homo.
All these things being said, the "Nappy Headed Asshole," as I was called by an adamant non-supporter, will now proceed to once again keep it 100 in my pontificatory manner, exposing all the fecal encrusted assclowns committing sinful worldly behavior. The following acts are best described by the following quote from my slightly funnier and lighter skinned alter-ego Mr. Mulatto: "like taking a dump in a broken toilet...this sh*t is not OK."

This is not OK (Part 4): a List

5. Donks

While completely, entirely and 100% permissible in rap videos based out of Miami and Texas, Donks have no place in "real life." For those of you who do not know what a 'Donk' is, I will offer a brief explanation. First off, ignore the misconception that a Donk only refers to a woman's bottom (a shortened version of Badunkadonk) as coined by Kieth Murray in Ludacris's 'Fatty Girl' and popularized by Solja Boy's 'She got a Donk'. For today's purpose we are talking about Boxes and Bubbles aka Donk automobiles. A Donk, in the automobile world, in simple terms, is merely an older car (such as a 1962 Chevrolet) with extremely large chrome rims (24's or larger.) To really be classified as a Donk, however, a car's rims must be so large that the axles often have to be cut, or replaced with truck axles and the car itself must be raised. From this practice, the rapper-popular phrases "sitting in the nose bleeds"and"Chevy ridin' high" have arisen as a cooler way to say "my car is taller than yours! Na Na Na NaNa Naaaaaa! (Tongue out. no homo.)

Nevertheless, one can see that aside from being entirely impractical (these cars can barely turn) , they look ridiculous. If you are a rapper and can afford a harem of bucket naked females to climb mini ladders and lay across your Donk all day, I strongly advise you to get a Donk. If not, ( i.e. if you are a dope boy with surplus cash), I strongly advise you not to. Spend your $100,000 (yes this is the approximate cost) on a house...or a diamond chain and gloc .40 to protect it. LOL.

4. F**k # 4.

See... just when you thought you had me pigeon holed into the "Intro -numbered list- conclusion" format, I'm switchin it up on yall. Gotta keep you guessing.
All numbered lists aside, I'm seeing a lot of funny sh*t going on that just doesn't look right. C4 already got at you cats sagging skinny jeans, and I've already chronicled the pitfalls of Timberlands on the beach, but nevertheless, I feel there is still a myriad of "not OK sh*t" being passed off as permissible. The drinking of Malt liquor, for instance, should be outlawed in all states except bad...I meant to say California.

Not Ok -----------------------------------------------------------Completely Not OK

When has anything good ever come from Malt liquor? Malt liquor is like beer mixed with liquor and cancerous rat-piss, and quite frankly, I'm surprised it doesn't give us Leptospirosis. You saw what Malt liquor did to Kane (and his cousin Harold) in Menace II Society. Take heed ni**as, take heed.

Other things which are not OK include the following...Don't be mad, I'm just tellin it how it is. ..

Maternity Midriffs.....

Or people who look like they should be wearing maternity clothes, wearing midriffs...

Ni**as frontin like Chrysler Seabrings are ACTUAL convertibles...

With a car full of dudes in a Seabring, you look like a pack of posers. With the optimal number of people (2) inside the car, however, you look like yo are on a date. Homos. As a matter of fact, the only thing worse than riding in one of these (excluding Scion XB,s and Honda Del Sol's as they are not Convertibles) is stuntin in a Volkswagen Cabrio. Oh wait...there is something worse. White people with dreds.

No explanation needed.
Live, Love, Google Images...

No comments: