Wednesday, June 3, 2009

This Is Not OK (Part 3): A List

4. Sagging your skinny jeans is NOT OK! It makes no f---ing sense! Back in the '90s when baggy jeans ruled supreme, everybody rocked, along with their Girbauds and Timbs, some form of a sag, which naturally accompanied said jeans. The jeans were too big, hence they fell, of their own accord, below one's waist. Shit was gangsta.

Very Hood.

Very NOT Hood.

Fast forward to the current Kanyestocracy we live in when it's cool to dress like a borderline retard (or flamboyant homosexual) who dressed himself for the first time, and people are continuing to sag their too-tight pants, against the will of everyone-- including the pants!!! I won't even get on the topic of the skinny jeans themselves. I respect their right to be around though I don't really support the trend (but for real those guys in the photo above are RIDICULOUS). I've seen on separate occasions the trendy urban hipsters trying to maintain a modicum of hoodness with this phenomenon, and in some ways, I get it, it's kinda noble, you're going, "yeah I'm still black. See, I'm sagging my jeans!" But you're doing it in jeans so frickin tight that if you wore them on your waist you'd crush your nuts, asshole! So what do you choose as
an alternative? Destroying the circulation in your thighs instead(pause). I've seen cats straight up sagging skinny jeans past their ENTIRE ass! What purpose does this serve? None I can glean. Can you not unzip the denim spandex in time to pee or poop in an emergency? If so, shouldn't be dressing like a girl anyway. This is not OK.

3. White people wearing do-rags is Not OK! My melanin-deficient brothers: YOU HAVE NO WAVES!!! Your hair is a calm sea, the Dead Sea, if you will (for you geographically aware muthaf------s). Waves for you only appear when you freeze them with your Arctic Caucasian gels and mousses. What the hell are you wearing a do-rag for? On top of looking absolutely foolish, and if you come to the hood looking like that niggas WILL rob you, your stupid look serves no purpose.

I know it's not your fault entirely. I know you saw too many black guys wearing their do-rags in public when they should have been sporting the waves and tight cornrows that were produced from wearing their do-rags AT HOME like they were supposed to, and for that those ignant niggas shall be separately punished. But you, silly ass white man, more so than looking like someone who forgot to shed an unnecessary accessory, look like a f---ing idiot. You're disrespecting hip-hop. I don't care if you ARE Eminen, this is NOT OK!!!!

2. Face tattoos are NOT OK!!! No. Not ever. Not even the teardrops. Yes, I know. And I don't care how many people you killed, in or out of jail. Stop Snitchin On Yourself!!! The hell is wrong witchu?! Look at Mike Tyson. He's a fat, washed up crazy nigga who will never have another job other than making fun of himself, and the end was signaled the moment he showed up pretending to be Samoan. Congrats, Mike. Now you're on your way to being Samoan-sized. Happy Hypertension!
Don't be fooled. He was already rich when he did this.

He's just a sad case.

You can't get ANY good job with a tattoo on your face. Not a one! Anywhere! You better be the next B.I.G., which you are not! I don't care what your nut ass homeboys tell you. You look ridiculous . Maybe you can play in the NBA that way, if you were already on Kevin Durant status. Or you've already been drafted. But if you do that before the draft people will look at you like you're crazy ass Ron Artest or Birdman Andersen. Don't be making white people nervous BEFORE they pay you. That is NOT OK!!!

1.The pull-out method of contraception is NOT OK!!!


It's 2009, people. This generation got all the good educated and informed sex talks, we all grew up during the AIDS era, we all know what condoms are for and how birth control works. Hell, some women I know be on birth control just cuz. So why do some people still think it's ok to forego ALL contraceptive options and think they can just time it by the month and pull out when they think it's time. Not OK, people.
This is the only thing this fool knows how to make for dinner. Ain't dat some buuuullsh**!

Don't come crying to C4 talkin 'bout your girl is pregnant, you don't know what to do. You should buy diapers and Dr.Seuss books, nigga! I know you got the money. Or did you spend all that money you didn't use for condoms on Tyler Perry movies? Do everyone a favor, and read to your soon-to-be child early so they don't grow up to be a stupid recklessly fornicating muthaf---a like you. Perpetuating this cycle is NOT OK!

That's all for now, fam.

Once more,

To Ya Door ( waves spinnin, face ink-free, condoms in the pockets of my jeans that fit),


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