Monday, June 1, 2009

S.W.A.G.G.E.R: Suddenly We're All Gay Guys Emulating Rappers

Swagger. I know you've all heard the latest rapper-friendly buzzword being thrown around at evey chance by radio and television personalities. While other popular words and phrases, such as 'my dude', 'jiggy,' and 'fo shizzle my nizzle' were forced, due to overusage, to meet their timely demise and die natural deaths, this 'Swagger' sh*t seems to have nine lives. I sh*t you not. I turned on CNN the other day and saw a news report on president Obama's swagger. Really? Is this OK? Is it also OK for Old Spice, the quintisentail old man eau de toilet to have a deodorant called Swagger, endorsed by none other than Old ass LL Cool J? I can't hate, b**ches love LL Cool J, but Damn...gimmie a frickin break.

With the advent of the term "Swag" arising as a shortened, more street version of the original word, the concept in and of itself was bound to become more ghetto-fied than that chicken sale at Popeyes. While I cannot lie, I've definitely used the term and or typed it in a blog, that does not serve as justification for its uber-overusage. Soljaboy Tell em (what a stupid name)'s 'Turn my Swag on,' and Fast Life Youngstas' 'Swag Surfin' are two of the worst songs ever, capitalizing on the recent wave (pun intended) of nonsensical jiberrish which people are relaying to each other in attempts to validate their own swag-worthiness. God, I'm going to throw up just from typing the word swag...yuck. Just puked in my mouth.

While this could simply be a rant against all thing's hip-hop (post 2001), I am instead, choosing to enlighten you all about the swagger phenomenon. No I will not be tracing its roots back to our African ancestors rockin Ivory elephant tusks as Jesus pieces, or the cool fro's donned by our blaxploitation heros in the 60's and 70's. What I am doing, however, is making a few blatantly obvious observations (which I know you've all seen but are choosing to ignore), and formulating a hypothesis based on them.

Just think of the Movie Billy Madison where Adam Sandler pissed his pants, saying "all the cool kids are doing it", in an effort to save one student the embarassment of an accident. I don't know who had the accident, but I know hip hop culture is feeling the repurcussions and unknowingly labeling it as 'Swag.'

S.W.A.G.G.E.R: Suddenly We're All Gay Guys Emulating Rappers

Back in the days, rap was full of bradaggacio and claims to be the best, something which in our contemporary era still rings true. Rappers and cornerboys alike were buying customized Gucci Jean suits from Dapper Dan, and customizing their fresh new Volvos with Fendi interior. Everyone knew that these were in no way to be considered 'authentic,' (kinda like todays burberry Jordans and the like), but it showed the type of character and creativity only evident with the youthful black community. What these individuals were doing was esentially the same thing that Blacks (like it or not) have done with the N-word today. We were taking something created by the white man and making it our own. Holla. It may have looked ridiculous, buy b**ches liked it, and we didn't look like homos.

While drug dealer beepers, adidas and thick gold dookie rope chains reigned supreme, rappers were basically on the same level as young hood entrepeneurs and street pharmacists. We had not yet transitioned into the 50 Cent multi million dollar rapper era. Rappers did not have clothing companies, soft drink lines and endorsement deals. Being cool was about actually being cool, not who had the most guap...ahem...money.

Fast forward 20 years and look at the Swagger Crisis in America. Rappers, Actors and Athletes are making so much money that they have actually become bougie (bougoise). Indivduals who've "made it" no longer visit their hometowns, have traded volvo's for Rolls Royces (complete with grey Pupon) and even worse, have fallen victim to the concept of having "Fashion Stylists." I have two words for this. Dis F**king-gusting.
Since when did the word swagger become synomous with carrying man bags (I don't care if they're Louis Vuitton) and or rapping about what type of purse your girl wears? This is so blatantly homosexual taht I'm going to run inside my house for fear it may start raining d**ks. Anyone reading that and standing with their mouth open in awe is one sick, c*m swallowing son of a b**ch.


Case in point: The individual pictured below is not a rapper. Just a regular dude.



Sherling, Louie Duffle...excuse me, knockoff caryall 45, and High Top Prada America's Cup sneakers that don't even come in that color. This man looks like an ass clown, but is a result of his enviornment.


Even worse, the individuals pictured below are rap moguls and so-called trend setters aka this dude above only with more money...and these are who our kids aspire to be.

But the swag continues...and gets worse. With so called drug dealing gangsta rappers (pictured above) dressing like this, one could hardly imagine what the 'Conscious' or 'softer (no homo)' rappers were wearing. Oh wait...we don't have to imagine, just look below. Pharrel and Kanye West. Cultural Icons (Riiiiiiight.)

UUUGH. STOP THIS COON SH*T. I almost don't want to finish writing this blog, but I'm Solja...or so I tell'em. LOL. Before going into a corner and crying about the state of hip hop, I'm going to leave you with my theory.

The Theory:

Rappers, being the anti-establishment rebels that they are, got to a point where they thought that they could do whatever they wanted. This, of course, was the whole idea of the bad boy rapper / rocker attitude and thus was not cause for concern. What was cause for concern, however, was a gay rapper, actor or radio/tv personality falling victim to this attitude and rocking something that was extremely gay looking. In an attempt to avoid a PR nightmare, one of his friends or associates (be it as a gesture of friendship or simply for a monetary payoff) decided to say "aight ni**a. Lets just run with this." Soon others began believing the hype and Pseudo-gay fashion rap culture was born. Either this or a gay stylist wanted to get back at all rappers for excluding them from the hip hop culture. Take you pick.

In the end, there is hope. Hopefully someone, somewhere over the rainbow, will man up and say "I'm here, I'm queer, let the swag sh*t disappear..." I don't know who it will be, but thank you in advance and God bless you. No Homo.

Live, Love, Style

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