Monday, June 8, 2009

Mr. Jew-latto...

First, let me say I have more respect for these ‘nappy headed bros’. I couldn’t possibly come up with something interesting to blog about nearly as often. That being said, I’m going to use my 15 minutes of fame to add a little color to this blog (pun intended)…..No I’m not a racist, I even have a colored TV. LMAO. (Side note: I added that last line in during the editing process ---Show)

As I am probably the person who most criticizes the constant race angle of our favorite Mulatto (Show)’s daily blogging, I find it appropriate to speak on why I believe most racism exists, and why Hitler was the biggest hater in the world, mad cause we Jews were ‘Styyyyyyylin on him (Google that.)’
Nevertheless, he Digresses...(--Show.) Back to the topic at hand. As a good Jew (more on this later), I should be looking to make money off this secret theory, but since Mr. Nappyheaded Bro is my boy, I will hand this over for free. Side Note: If you don’t know how ridiculous the word ‘free’ is to any person of the tribe, Google Jewish stereotypes and no doubt you will get plenty of results including greedy, cheap and….well you get the point. This being said, I will push my own greed aside and offer this free bit of introspection, which although simple, is refreshingly enlightening: The root of racism is… jealously.

Now before you all sit there and say ‘who is this f**ing joke of a person who has hijacked this blog’, let me explain. We, ‘white folks’ love the concept of self-pity. For some reason we hate to be happy. As Show so kindly pointed out to me a few days ago, depression is a made up thing (no doubt invented by someone white). Rather than attempt to better our situation, we paler brethren often fall into this ‘self-pity’ trap, which our melanin toned counterparts so cautiously avoid. Take Mr. Mulatto for instance. I am wholeheartedly convinced that he can make the best of any situation without even trying…its embedded in his DNA. No money, no problem. No b**es? Gimme an iPhone and I’ll hit up Craigslist. Sounds like a great existence doesn’t it? No wonder why we get jealous! Hence the birth of racism. LOL.

Now that we got that out of the way, let’s move onto another racially charged topic that will serve the purpose of making all you muthaf***as jealous. If you haven’t figured out yet that I am a Jew, you are obviously too dumb to read this blog, so get off! No Homo. Sit back and listen as I tell you why being a Jew is so f**kin great.

Slishy J Presents...Why Being a Jew is So Great

First, a little background for those less familiar with the ‘Chosen people’. Hey I didn’t say that, so if you want to question it, talk to the big man (on this note, enough of this ridiculous concept that GOD is a woman (good thing, because if GOD was a woman, Show would probably try to hit on her. LOL.). Like all great religions, us Jews get to pick what rules we follow. Case in point, I am on a bus heading to Boston where I will be partaking in a pig roast. Eating pork is very not kosher (pun intended, though I guess it’s not a pun in this case).

OK, so I am not super Jew, but my guess is no one on this blog is super –Christian, super-Muslim, etc. Why is this relevant you ask? Well, it is because there is no hell in Judaism. That’s right, no matter what s**t I do, I am going to Heaven. This is not like Catholicism where you can ask forgiveness on your death-bed and be OK either. This is much better. I am guaranteed passage into the afterlife no matter what, so had that parachute not opened when Mulatto and I went Skydiving, I’d be chilling right now in Heaven while Show may or may not end up in hell with OJ (again, enough is enough, he is guilty).

Wait, I was just saying to enjoy life, so why am I now talking about death. As I read this blog and think about the past decade, I realize that we are a morally questionable generation. The followers of this blog are probably among the top 0.1% most educated people in the world. I can’t believe that our parents were as immoral (or as irresponsible) as we are, and I know my grandparents weren’t. While I could sit here and recap the stories I was a part of or know about from the past decade (many of which are already in earlier blog posts), I don’t think anyone on this blog needs evidence that life has been quite a ride so far. Immorality is everywhere and irresponsibility the same. I can only hope that our children reverse these horrible trends because if every generation keeps getting and more imorally reckless and irresponsible, then I strongly suggest you all do one thing...become Jews so you can join me in heaven.
Hell, what do I care, I got a ticket to heaven anyways. When you get there, I’ll be chilling with them…. Bi***es!
I’ll put in a good word with the big guy when I get there or I’ll just sneak y’all in through the back door (no homo), like it was Toad’s Place.

Love, live, the Torah,

Slish out

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