Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Knockers: an In Depth Study : Part 2 B-Cups

Shakespeare once posed the question "To be, or not to Be?" While I personally have no idea what the f**k that means, I do know that any sane male who chooses "2 B's" over one C (cup) is indeed of questionable sexuality. Zing. (Enough with the Booooooo, ni**a, Booooo's), I'm funny bi*tch!

Lets "B" serious (pun intended). I did not come here to discuss poetic verse or iambic pentameter with my small following of e-readers, but rather to challenge the age old misconception that when it comes to mammarial glands, "more than a handful is wasted." Yea F**king right. Whoever created that cheesy hallmark card saying must have been a small tittied product of cocaine, Jim Beam and incest. No offense. As I'm sure you can tell by now, I'm leaving all of the gay "different body types for different people, sometimes B cups are awesome" talk for C4. I'm in my Star and Bucwild zone this week and am not holding anything back. Bi****hes!!!!!!! Don't like it, go kick rocks...or better yet, go kick a pile of heroin syringes with open toed sandals on.

Back to our regularly scheduled programming...

B-Cups: A Definition

If C cups are the stunningly gorgeous varsity cheerleaders and A-cups their retarded...excuse me..physically handicapped little sisters, B-cups are the often ignored middle child who no one pays attention to until she gets kidnapped or molested by some creepy uncle. To put this in simpler terms, comparing A-cups to B cups is like comparing a physically handicapped girl, to a girl who is simply so repulsively ugly that she would be better off handicapped. While the handicapped sister (whom we will refer to as sister A)would be viewed sympathetically (and even get her own special Bus!), sister B would merely make other girls laugh, babies cry and boys all shun her until she's smart enough to realize that by becoming the first girl in middle school to give head, she can easily make her B-cup problems disappear. It sounds f**ked up, but hey...that's just life.

B-Cups: Determining if they're right for you

Gay guys and herbs alike love us wack B-cup hoes. And women love us because we don't make them feel threatened!

If you are gay, but not that gay (i.e. if you are a on a scale of 1 to Kanye), you may like a B-cupped hottie. Wait? Can I even say hottie and B-cup in the same sentence...Oh yea, I can. J-Lo and I believe Tahiry (Joe Buddens' King Magazine model Girlfriend) are both B's. It is important to note, however, that both of these women have larger than life sized donkey's (asses) to overcompensate. Apparently J.C was going heavy on the Hennessey that day and must've hit the Booty button twice when he was creating these beauties. Oooooh. They're so fine I'd drink their bath water...simultaneously ...with a straw.

Pump, pump-pump it up!!!

Anyways...If you want a girl you can chest bump or do the limbo with, go get yourself a B. Ladies (with B cups), I will glady recant if you think I am being too harsh and you have a legitimate reason why you believe so. Just kidding, I won't recant and will probably begin to make you feel very embarrassed and stupid, cursing the world for your "vitamin B"... deficiency. LOL. Damn, I shouldn't have said that, now no ones gonna comment. C4 please save us before we never get any pu**y again, on account of my misogynistic ranting!!! Oh wait....One last thing.

B cups are like NDL's as my homegirl Bui would say. NDL's are non descript Latinos...its obvious they're from some Spanish speaking country, but you'll be damned if you're taking the risk of guessing the wrong one. Go ahead and see if the analogy rings true. See how mad a 36 B gets when you call her a 30, or even worse, a 38 A. Now take a picture of her reaction with your iphone (unless you are too poor to buy one). Next, call a Puertorican person Dominican and try to snap a quick pic of her face before she snaps your phone in half. Point proven, case closed. Also, as a sidenote: anyone who can actually send me a picture of those two reactions, or some nice "cups" with the words Nappyheadedbros in the picture will get a free Polo Shirt. :) happy hunting.

To be Puerto Rican is fly, but pa ser Boricua is so much flyer!

Wild Card Titties (C4's B-Cup Damage Control: Because Show is losing his Mind.)

Dis n***a wants to make sure neither one of us see breasts of any size again! And to think he started off saying I'd say "gay" sh** about the B's. What a difference a couple paragraphs make. Check it man, I'm about go to B-at for these B-reasts that are B-cups, ya dig!! Well, kinda.

My daddy always said, B-Cups are like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna
get. Reeeeaaaalll Talk. They truly are the wild-card titties, because the range in quality is so wide that you could have a nearly textbook-perfect pair of boobs or some sad soggy triangles looking like the Droopy Dog.

In the Boobie Batting Lineup, B-Cups hit at the top or the bottom of the order (non-baseball fans try to follow). The best ones lead off or bat second, have a high on-base percentage (popularity), and always go to All-Star game. Think of Halle Berry's rack as the Derek Jeter of boobs, Stacy Dash's being the Ichiro (better but less famous). The not-so-talented ones never hit before 7th, maybe 6th if your team lacks power (C-cups). And trust they might hit after the pitcher if they're really wack. These breasts don't hit lots of home runs for their owners, but if they hit for high average, steal enough bases, they're going to the Hall (Beyonce, anyone?)

You aaaare, the Proto-type!!!

But we all know, (esp Show apparently) what a bad B-Cup looks like. But what does a great B-Cup look like? Well funny you should ask that, hater. For you see there are some distinct advantage to great B-cups. Here they are:

1. They are likelier to come with a matching bubble-booty (an attainable one, not one you'll only find on pornstars, strippers and video hoes), creating a more balanced babe to admire, and if you're lucky enough, enjoy. Think J-Lo, Nia Long, Rihanna, Cassi, Keisha Knight Pulliam (Families That Can Get It Pt 2 on the way), the list goes on! If you like a long-haired thick redbone, then B-reasts are for you!!!

I been shakin, stickin and movin, tryna get to yooooouuuuuu, and dat booooty!

2. Biggest advantage over C-cups, on the low: PERKINESS. Great B's tend to sit up just right, ya dig?!?!?!?! So much less likely to sag, nice and full, just eager to please like Lassi nahmean?!?!?!

B-Cups. Case Closed.

"I feel you, (pause. no homo), But yo son... which sizes should a ne-yucka be looking for?"

Very good question Showrock. Here's a rundown of optimal B-reasts.

1. 32B = Petite sexy thang, 19 years old, 5'2", slim but curvy in the chest.
2. 34B = hottie of average height, badonkadonk, fit.
3. 36B = tall glass of water, model-like build (except she eats every day)

And that's it. 38Bs are big girls whose boobs aren't big enough proportionally, and 30Bs are anorexic chicks with implants, WHICH ARE LAME!!!!

C4:Nope. That's all bra. What you're looking at is a lie.

To Ya Door, Once More, No B-eef No More,

Live, Love, Vitamin C...


Anonymous said...

a forgotten fortuitus feature of bountiful B boasting breasted bueaties is their bosom's fortitude... these breast as well as being perky in youth are most likely to withstand the effects of gravity (due to lack of weight, and center of gravity ...which causes the unfortunate fold under the tittie), childbirth (deflated big titties which when they loose firmness feel like an open bag of water-- you sqeeze and it just mushes in with no resistance)...

As well B-cup are unlikely to be plagued by strech marks...a unfortunate reality of the larger breast of the bathykolpian.

Rock said...

Agreed. But I kinda like stretch marked boobs. Is that strange?

Anonymous said...

Not for you... Its right up your alley with vericose viens, overgrown eyebrows, and bulging guts