Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Families that Can Get it (Pt. 1)

What's up my family of Internet addicted homosapiens? I would like to officially thank Ms. Cee for breaking my streak of seven straight posts without a comment. I was beginning to think I lost yall for a second...lol. In case you haven't noticed, I've been trying to expand upon the blog each day, and by next week I will have the official trademark and logo...So far, it's bananas ( I'm, mad I knew how to spell that correctly because of that Gwen Stefani song. LOL.) Next on my agenda, I may even open the nappedheaded store which I'll most likely be naming the "Swagger Shop." BTW, I already own that website too, so don't try to bite my style...LOL.

As you can tell, I'm in a pretty good mood today. Ive been searching for freelance writing jobs to supplement my income as I think throwing a bunch of revenue generating ads on the blog is a bit tacky and distracts from me and C4's prolific prose. I've definitely been stepping my photoshop game up, so expect to see some ridiculous pics of me and C4 (no homo) in the coming days and weeks. All these things being said, I have another thing to get off my chest...

Despite the fact that only about 50% of men will admit it, any woman (excluding the morbidly obese, putridly unhygienic and hideously ugly) between the ages of 18 and 50 is fair sexual game. Now that this guideline has been established it becomes blatantly obvious why, upon looking at an entire nuclear family, we can be placed in the difficult position of choosing who is the best candidate for the horizontal mambo. I, however, have found a way to circumvent the long and arduous task of selecting a particular family member of choice...choose them all. While an intra-familiar threesome is not exactly what I had in mind, it is completely permissible to holla at mother, daughter, aunt and occasionally grandmother all at separate times. In the end, your seemingly womanizing demeanour only serves as the sincerest form of flattery and proof that they are all sexy, and consequently, all can 'get it.' Sidenote: in the urban lexicon saying 'she can get it' is akin to saying that one would like to know this particular female in the biblical sense.

As I'm sure you are all aware, the nappyheadedbros are not above making sexual explicit comments about cartoons, celebrities and fictional characters. Today's post will do nothing more than reiterate this fact as I present to you...

Families That Can All Get It: A Definitive List.

4. The Jetsons

Well, I figure I'll start at the bottom of the list...Rosie's not exactly the best looking robot on the planet, but it's sort of a package deal. I'd definitely give Rosie a sympathy 'ying' (lay) in order to have seconds and thirds with Judy and Jane. No Harm no foul. Besides...she does have a Badunk and after a few beers I'm sure she'll start to look like this tin-can hottie below.

I may, however, be losing my mind in thinking about sex with robots...nah, just charge it to the game of space age pimpin. This being said, its time for Jane.

While orange hair usually isn't my thing, the feathered thing works for her and I can definitely see myself with this milf-tastic cutie. Her sense of style is evinced by her sporting of large pearl earrings, and you know what they say about girls with pearl earrings...they deserve a matching necklace. :) I know George wasn't hittin that right.

She'd probably be even hotter in real life, provided we could finds a way to make her 2 dimensional booty suddenly metamorphisize into some IMAX 3-D sh*t. On to Judy!!

Look at her just laying there waiting for a terrestrial prince to sweep her off her feet and lay her on her animated back. While her age was never specifically mentioned, it is implied that she is a teenager. The white hair, however, adds an element of maturity which definitely puts her at around age 18...I hope. Either way, Judy's got booty and would probably look like this in real life. You'd hit it. Stop Frontin.

If you wouldn't hit it then fine! More cartoon poon for me...Soon as I'm done though, it's time to Jet Son (Corny). LOL.

3. The Huxtables

Next up we have the Cosby's staring Claire aka the sexy ms phylicia Rashad. Sure she's well into cougar territory, but I wont tell if you won't tell. If i recall she was some sort of a lawyer or something, meaning shawty had dough, but even more importantly, she had a body like a woman half her age. I wish I was Dr. Huxtable so I could give that pretty brown round an extensive check-up. Ohhhh. If it shakes like J-E-L-L-O, I'd definitely give her the Puddin Pop. LOL.

Take a look a cousin Pam without the dreads. Now that is one tall glass of chocolate milk...and I'm thirsty. Best part about it is you could probably smash Pam and another one of the huxtables, as she was only a cousin. With pam only being around a few episodes per season, she could be your sitcom jump off, while a serious relationship could be reserved for Claire, Denise or even Rudy.

Tempest Bledsoe aka Vanessa was always a little chubby teenager, which translated into adult terms means she's thicker than Nigerian hair. She can officially get it. Cute face, average waist...what more could you ask for? If I were ever allowed the chance of a slumber party in the Huxtable residence I wouldn't know what to do with myself...I'd probably feel like a horny teenager at the Bunny Ranch in Nevada, or Michael Jackson at Disneyland. No Offense. Vanessa could be my practice girl...Just warming up for Denise and Rudy.

Denise, the wild dreadlocked amazon freak-a-leak could get it quicker than the R-kelly tape hit the streets. She's so fine I might even start listening to neo-soul and sh*t rather than trying to f**k girls to NWA and Wu Tang. I'm just sayin...I would f**k her punk ass admiral husband up! He's too old for shawty and I will not be convinced he was getting up in them guts proper-like. I'm sure he wouldn't like me anyway after what I'm about to say about Olivia...ahem...Raven.

Whoops. Wrong Pic...Lets just pretend that the Olivia below was the one that was actually on the show.

What do you mean that's cheating? I can't insert the new 'Olivia' into the old show? You guys are no fun. It's fine, you already know how I feel about sexy ass Raven and her luscious lips...and her luscious hips...and her lovely...ummm...lovely lady lumps. Lol.

Now regardless of your own opinion on Raven, few would doubt that Keisha Knight, I mean Rudy, is Baaaaaad. Like Michael Jackson Bad...No, even better....Like Mc'lovin 'super bad.' I swear to god I wish I could f**king curb stomp Bud right now for not hittin that when he had the chance! I mean f**k! He was over there all the time! Anyway, I hear shawty is living in Atlanta and still got a body like a playboy playmate. I swear I've never played for Notre Dame, but if She ever put me in the game on fourth and inches I'd lay her flat out, all the while screaming "Rudy, Rudy, Rudy...."

Don't be mad, we were all thinking it, and someone had to say it!


Live, Love, Families

Sho-Show (No homo)


Anonymous said...

You didn't call "No Homo" to listening to Gwen Stefani!!! Homo!

Rock said...

It's aignt....Gwen Stefani is sexy, therefore no-homo isn't called for.