Sunday, June 7, 2009

Black, White and Pepperican

So I woke up this morning, took a shot of Gentleman Jack and started to think...I want this forever. Sliding out of the bed hangover-free and proceeding to look at pictures from the previous night's debauchery I began to ponder the concepts of ethnicity & partying. I know this may sound a bit strange, but if you actually think about it, everyone irregardless of race, color or creed, likes to party (with the exception of Mormons and Jehovah Witnesses). This being said, I am officially using the power of the Blog to call upon the death the current "Party Like a Rockstar" ethos. Yes it is possible to party like a rockstar, given an unlimited supply of bi***es and money, but most of us are not Tommy Lee and or Lil Wayne, and thus do not have access to such things. In the real world, full of real women and, as John Legend would put it, ordinary Negroes, party goers fall into one of three categories. Negative effects of pigeon-holing aside, I'm keeping it either party like a Black person, party like a white person or party like a Pepperrican (puertorican).

Ni**as...ahem...Black people

I hate to stereotype my own people, but as you can see from the above picture of a REAL PERSON, people oftentimes do little to help improve the vision of our race. More importantly, I've learned that if you see something enough, it undergoes a metamorphosis from fictional stereotype into something knows as THE TRUTH. Sorry ni**as.

In thinking of "how you party", ask yourself the question " what would I do with 100 Million dollars?" If Buying bottles of overly expensive Club Liquor and or rapper friendly spirits rank high among your priorities, than you, my friend, would party like a ni**a. Back in college,(because ni**as were broke), partying like a Black person encompassed nothing more than dancing the night away with 'ten freaky gal' in a sweatbox party equipped with Deejays, a cover charge and some form of Yak and or "Nupe Juice" (Shout outs to the Kappas). Sidenote: White people call this jungle juice and only use it as a means to keep the party going when the keg is kicked (finished.)

Case in point. If you like to make it rain, buy bottles of anything other than wine (in a club), drink whatever is being sang about on the radio, and think that drinking Heineken & Coronas means you only like 'good beer', you officially party like a ni**a. There's nothing wrong with this, but is always due at the same time each month, and there's no coincidence that it is usually BEFORE "1st Friday."

White Folk

An older white person's idea of a party consists of dinner, good conversation and a nice bottle of Pino and or Merlot.

Partying like a younger white person includes playing beerpong, hitting up local bars (rather than clubs) or, in the case of frisky females, making out with each other for drunken attention. If you are offended by that statement, you probably kissed a girl and you liked it. LOL.

In their defense, however, white people are a f**king blast to hang out with. They love to dance (whether on beat or not), have no curfews (due to the absence of baby mamas and daddies) and basically just love to have a good time. If you like to eat before drinking and split the bill equally, you party like a white person. If you invite people to your home for a function or party and do not require them to 'make a donation' or give a gift, you party like a white person. If you prefer beer to liquor, you party like a white person. Need I say more....
I love white people.


Puertoricans (and other versions of spanish people) love to dance! And they do it well! This may be the reason why some spanish women appear to be in such great shape for their age, while perpetual rice and bean eating is usually the reason that latinas of the "non-dancing" variety tend to have a few extra pounds (like an English wallet). LOL.
This being said, spanish people (not to exclude actual Spaniards) love to eat drink and be merry. They, unlike their white counterparts, do not get drunk and make out with each other, yet their sensuous dancing is ten times as sexy. This is not to say that puertoricans are nothing more than latin spitfires of sexy little dancing machines, but rather that they enjoy cruising through life and partying to the max. LOL. Just like my Girl Celia used to say, la vida es un Carnival...Just don't miss the boat.

For those of you questioning how I can narrow partying classifications down to three types based on racial stereotypes, I say f**k you. LOL. For those questioning why I didn't mention Asians, I say this...When has anyone ever been described as "acting Asian?" There's no such thing. You have black & Puertorican Asians (Filipinos) or white Asians (Koreans,etc.)

That's all Folks.

Live, Love, the Party



Anonymous said...

1. the first picture of the gentleman with the dreds, the bottle of goose and all the dollar bills looked a lot like Mr. Mulatto himself.

2. I think the best way to approach partying is to encompass all three in moderation. Partying like a black person will often have you waking up wondering where all your money went. then you'll remember that you spent it all buying bottles so your picture could end up on some club website. Partying like a white person only encourages your off beat dancing because you're surrounded by other people who seemingly find the beat and then ignore it. and partying like a pepperrican, well you'll just live your life talking too loud and too quickly for anyone to understand you. However, you'll be in great shape and really, who doesn't love a little latin spitfire every once in a while?

3. Show, who do you party like?

Show said...

me? I pretty much party like a wiggerican.