That was, until the summer of 1992...
It was in this year that the GOAT (Greatest of all Time) of TV shows was to emerge with a cast of four disciples following their faithful leader and demigod of the comedic world. The show was Martin, and it was to last for five seasons before it was cancelled due to an alleged sexual harassment suit filed by Tisha Campbell-Martin Aka Gina, one of Martin Lawrence's co-stars. That's right...Man's ruin, once again at the hands of a selfish, ungrateful skank.
This was the end of a Golden era of shows like New York Undercover and Living single, which were to be gradually replaced by modern day minstrel shows like Homeboys in Outerspace (don't act like you don't remember that) and Flavor of Love. While we may have not realized it at the time, we were all raised on Martin, sybolically nutured from the breastmilk of Gina and Pam, and educated by the teachings of our serrogate big brothers Tommy and Cole.
Even today as we reminisce and watch our favorite comedic prophet on bootleg DVD, we cannot help but think of what could have been. We become congiscent of the fact that although the show is gone forever, Martin lives through our own society filled with Ginas, Pams, Tommys and Coles. Rather than lament the passing of a show which can be described as nothing less than our generation's own Happy Days, I will simply offer an analysis of how the Martin show parallels our own lives and how Tisha Campbell-Martin (sorry Duane) is singlehandedly responsible for Man's ruin.
While I am in no way downplaying the subject of sexual harassment, I am however, emphasizing the fact that it was 'alleged.' We now live in a cold world, devoid of the paternal warmth radiated from our our televisions each evening at 8:00pm...The world has been short-changed and corrupted by the original sin of our generation's own EVE, leaving us with no more to say than, (in the words of the Great Martin Lawrence), daaaaaaaamn Gina!!!!!
Whether you are black, white, Messican or Pepperrican, I can guarentee that you have a friend with no job. For all of you challenging my logic, saying that Tommy did in fact have a job, I say to you...."F**k that. Where did he work? What was his occupation?" (LOL.) A smooth brother with a bald head, (for some reason chicks like dark skinned, bald guys with white teeth...see: Mekhi Phifer, Omar Epps, etc.) , Tommy was the stress free, cool, calm and collective member of the bunch. This is no surprise as Tommy did not have a job...of course his life was f**king grand... I know that by now you have all conjured up a mental image of your own 'Tommy" right now and are probably hating on him. Stop that, for you too can live life unemployed simply by lowering your standard of living and euthenazing your baby mama. Oh, you don't have the stomach for the Chris Benoit plan? Just as I suspected. Shut up and stop complaining punk... It takes a strong man to hold down an imaginary job.
Despite Martin's constant jabs at Pam and references to her being a dog, I would still hit it and so would you. Keeping this in mind, Im sure you all have a friend you make fun of and or harass, but who you would plow like a snowbank if given the chance to get her alone. There is no shame in your game. Remember...Tommy was hitting it by the end of the show, and once the jokie-jokes were done, he definately got the last laugh. Just like your homegirl from the hood, Pam had those Beadie Beads on the back of her neck, but usually had a track or two covering them up (white folks, have a black person translate that entire sentence). You know there's a Pam in your hood and if your game is strong enough, you probably smashed it! While she's no Octomom, Bridget the Midget or Raven Simone, we love you Tichina Arnold and all the Pams of the world. You taught us that real women have curves...and weaves.
We all have an eccentricly dressed friend who loves 'Big Shirleys.' If you are laughing and thinking that I am your friend which fits this description, then f**k you. Cole represents every aspect of an urban adolescence, from the Cross Colours Kinte Cloth Gear, to the brokedown 'Pacer' which introduced the world to the concept of 'Hoopties (barely functional old cars)'. While he may have seemed not so bright on the show, (HA! see, I couldn't be Cole), we all realized he had a good heart and sense of humor. We all have a Cole in our Family and we love him. Having the charisma to deal with the Bruh man-esque goons climbing through windows, as well as the old heads (geromes) and lil snot nosed Roscoes of the world, 'Cole' is the quintesential crosover success. Maybe I do have a little Cole in me (Super no homo)...and so do you.
I am absolutely positively 100% sure that you all have a witty, hardheaded, energetic friend with a dime piece shawty just like Martin. I am sure of this because most of you reading this blog know me. While the 'Martins' of the world may often find ourselves in sticky (no homo) situations, we always emerge unscathed, showing true potiental as leaders whom others try to follow and emmulate. Yea Martin may have done a few drugs and pulled a gun out on the highway in a bathrobe, but that was after the show was over. We all have had skirmishes with the law and have had to have things exponged right? If that doesn't pertain to you, just ignore it. In the end, it rings true that we all have a Martin in our lives, and now that the sitcom has met its untimely demise, you must convince Fox to read my pilot for the nappyheadedbros sitcom . :)
Gina aka the wicked Devil Witch-B**tch of the West:
Dear Gina...You suck. In the same way that a fiery blaze of bullets silenced one of our nations most prolific poets in Tupac Shakur, your blazing acusations have burned through the fabric of American society, leaving us to choke on the nebulous carbon monoxide, hydrogen cynadie mixture. While you may not be wearing a blue dress, you are indeed the Devil. Short of wearing a white sheet there is not a more sacreligious act than bringing about the cancellation of a series of epic television events not eclipsed until the inauguration of our Nation's 44th President. Gina you should be ashamed of yourself and in the event the accusations are true...my bad.
Martin is the GOAT of Television shows and a reflection of an entire culture. If you don't agree, you have probably never watched the show and consequently suck. Now go and 'Run Tell Dat.'
Live, Love, Marrrrrrrrrrrrrrrtin (no homo)