Monday, April 20, 2009

I'm Black, So I'll Probably Go To Jail at Some Point

Well, as f**ked up as it sounds, I have made a statement I believe to be true and there's no taking it back.

I am a black male in the 18-36 year old age bracket so it is a natural proven fact that myself or one of my three close friends will end up in jail, most likely for a crime we were accused of but did not commit; this is not counting those already in jail for stupid crimes that they did in fact commit. While I usually try to keep my blogging lighthearted and comical, I am choosing to digress for the sake of touching on a serious subject sprinkled with a smidget of comedic value and lessons to be learned.

As we speak it is 10:30pm and I have just left a bar where the subtle air of racism has managed to permeate the entire atmosphere unbeknownest to anyone but me. While others were simply served drinks and left to their own devices, my party of six, predominantly African American, were continually asked if we would place a credit card at the bar or pay immediately. When asked for drinks containing Patron we were informed that "they were all out", and that they "[did]not carry Hennessey." Excuse me for being black, but what f**king bar in America does not carry Hennessey! While a few friends thought that I was reading too much into the gesture, I believed I simply must've been the only individual that saw what was truly going on. As a Psychology minor I had been introduced to a phenomenon labeled as the "self fulfilling prophecy", meaning that if you believe someone will commit a certain act (i.e neglect to leave a substantial tip) and subsequently begin to treat this person like a second class citizen because of this, he or she will consequently commit the act you suspected (i.e not leave a significant tip) due to the horrible treatment or service. Despite preconceived notions and stereotypes, everyone should be treated the same....except for hoes and Chickenheads.

This small episode led me to reaffirm my belief that no matter how hard I try, there is no way of avoiding my destiny of somehow having a close run in with the law or ending up in jail for the offense of DWB (driving while black), FTD (fitting the description) or N.W.B.A.H.T.P.S.O (N***a we're bored and had to pull somebody over).
Laugh all you want, but the serious reality is that I have been pulled over nearly ten times, cuffed twice and even been subpoenaed to testify on behalf of a friend accused of aggravated assault on my own college graduation day. As a black male however, graduating from college and not being dead was such an incredible feat that i skipped that subpoena sh*t and probably have a warrant in Philadelphia as we speak, true story. Nevertheless, I digress....

While some may see it as a fruitless task or outright silly practice, I have been lifting weights at the gym since I was around 17 in order to successfully defend myself in the event that I end up in jail unjustly. F**k not committing crimes, I am actually preparing to defend myself in the event I go to jail as an innocent man. What kind of sh*t is that! While I am not a racist black supremest or anything close, I can safely say that..."white people don't have to worry about this sh*t!" While it could be my own ego which caused me to become upset when two bartenders who make less money than me individually and have less college education collectively, decided to estimate my salary and social status based on my mere skin tone, I decided to shrug it off. I happen to know that Amex charges them 3.5% or more for any purchase under 150.00 , making their rate much higher than any other credit card. This being said I nearly always use it, earning points and giving the ultimate "fuck you" to broke ass bardtendenders who do not even have the credit rating to even secure one of these cards. As a final testament to the fact that I don't simply "let anything slide," i proceeded to write the following sentence on the receipt's "tip" line:

"Robert K. Merton (1968). Self Fulfilling Prophecy. You should read up on it."

While some of my friends decide to fight back by silently saying, "f**k you, I've got money" and not so silently affirming it by buying shots of Patron and popping bottles of whatever champagne is trendy, I say "no thanks," I'd rather hit the establishment where it hurts and take a different approach. If you really want to make a statement, buy a two dollar Miller Lite, pay with a 100 dollar bill and make the waitress give you back all your change.
In the end, there's really no point in drinking all that expensive liquor anyway because we are black. According to these racist f**ks, we'll all end up dead or in jail anyway, and trust me, those are two places I do not want to be drunk. ;)

Live , Love, Miller Lite.


P.S. Be sure to check back with the blog this afternoon as we will have a 2nd post courtesy of WJA3. Yes, We are going that hard. (No Homo).


Anonymous said...

This was tough these blogs get me through some of my bored as day -Dezo

slim said...

when walking near the beer store in west philly being a white jew (who apparently doesn't look white) doesn't save you from being harrassed by the police

Anonymous said...

As a bartender, Hell yeah I profile, been burned too many times not to. Blacks with ice or without, White people that look broke, Puerto Rican, Mexicans (I just charge them more per order cause I already know ain't no tip coming!) , and if there were any Native American alive they'd get it too. The key to not getting profiled is take back to a human level, not all this make believe racist shit that is bred in our American Blood. Say hey Bartender, I'm so and so, god damn it, nice to meet you, I'll take a glass of your finest. I guarantee 9 out of 10 times that will make a difference. If the bartender is still a dick at this point get your ass out of Wallingford/North Haven and go to Amigos. Self fulfilling prophecy phenomenon works like a two way street and don't judge a book by it cover. You sized up the bartender based on your judgement of his education and salary, shouldn't he do the same? Professional Bartenders are very crafty, we'll always get ours. We just prefer that you're having a good time as we are taking that loot out of your walet.
Tim A. Shanga

Alexzander said...

Tim, go kick rocks. Judging a book by its cover is one thing, and blatant and subtle racism are something quite different. See you on Friday, u nappyheadedNavajo.

slim said...

Well, apparently the white guys have it tough in new haven....

Top Income Producer said...

Seriously buddy, I dont care about these racism and colour things in life as there are other better things in life to worry about but I really like your post. I liked your different approach for Miller Lite and 100 dollar bill. :) Its nice. Just kill it with politeness. BTW 5 years ago I was in Harlem in Manhattan working with my Uncles best friend. His friend had a plumbing business and we are doing the plumbing and heating in the whole building. Since I had nothing to do so I was working with him as a supervisor or site manager or whatever. So all the employees including my uncles friend whose company it was were all trini or guyanese blacks. My uncles friend whose name is Clyne, I used to call him uncle clyne. He was a big police office (DGP) in Trinidad. So all those people at work were used to hate me and curse me saying that how come a white man come and rule us like that. I used to be quite and just do my work. Who cares. We all speak our wisdom. So anyway, one day I was coming to midtown from harlem around 2pm as uncle clyne told me to do something. I was Very hungry. I couldnt see any restaurant to eat but I saw Mc Donalds. So I thought since I am in Harlem and most of the people there live on Mc Donalds so why not try it. I swear that I have hardly eaten 3 or 4 times in a place like Mc Donalds or Wendys or Burger King or KFC. Its just not my type. So anyway, I was standing in the line and some other black guy came next to me in the line adjacent to me. He started sniffing I didnt knew what the heck he was doing. Then started sniffing again me closely and said that "These cockroaches come our country and they think they are better than us." Everyday was looking at him like "aRE YOU FUCNNN STUPID TO SAY LIKE THAT". From his gestures with the girl on the cash register I figure out that he is going to get something for free and it happened exactly. He didnt pay for the burger and just went to the girl, she hand him over the burger and he left. As he passed by me I said a little louder "We are better. We dont beg, we earn and pay." And now everybody started looking at me with an attitude. I thought that its wise to take the just take the fries and leave since I am the only Indian here. Who knows the guy would nab me when as soon as I exit the door. Anyway, that was my story. That incident did hurt me a lot. But then I thought that common sense is not common. We all speak at our level of wisdom. So just forget it and be focused on making more money. I didnt tell my uncle Clyne (who is also trini black) as if I would have told him he would have sent me home for my safety. He know that I am not used to heard anything like that. So I am Indian born in India my so called uncle is Trini black and there was another black guy in Mc Donalds. So it really dont matter the colour of the skin its our upbringing, our habits our wisdom and our spoken words that matter.

Rock said...

Amen. Well said, Income Producer.